If you thought there were a lot of Chinese people in the world already, hold your horses because it's going to get a whole lot more crowded round here. Don't blame me. Blame the astrologers.
If there is one thing I have learned in my time in Taiwan is that Chinese and Taiwanese people take astrology very seriously. Don't even think about making a joke. Unlike western countries whose astrologers have mercifully been pushed into the comics section of the weekend newspaper, this stuff is serious business in the East and it all comes down to the 12 signs of the Chinese zodiac. In China and Taiwan the alignment of stars dictates when one has weddings, funerals, housewarmings, engagement parties and celebrations of all kinds. People visit astrologers to find out the optimum time to open businesses, close businesses, install a stove, a fridge or other furniture in their house, buy a car or house or even how to redecorate their bedroom. Virtually every aspect of traditional Chinese life I can be dictated by astrologers. Even people who say they don't believe in this stuff engage in it. It's hardwired into the system and that's that.
So it would come as no surprise that having children is of particular interest to astrologers who claim that certain alignments of the stars bring happier, stronger or wealthier babies. For example, I was born in 1975, which makes me a rabbit. Rabbits are supposed to be even-tempered and tame. Very amiable. I'm not sure whether the Chinese astrologers have seen me when someone cuts in front of me in line at the 7-11 or during especially heated hockey games but I'm not consistently amiable, that's for sure. Furthermore, I have a lot of friends born in 1975 who I would no consider to be the tamest human beings, but I digress. I'm not arguing with Chinese astrologers.
Unbeknownst to us (or perhaps, a little knownst, but not really), we got pregnant in time for the Year of the Dragon. The Year of the Dragon is a sort of all-in when it comes to the Chinese zodiac. Unlike other signs such as the pig, goat, snake or rat which are supposed to exude certain good qualities and a few not-so-good ones, the Dragon is the cherry-picker of the bunch. Dragons apparently get all the good qualities: Happiness, wealth, health, power, good-looks, a house in the Hamptons, ticket to all the good shows and, most importantly... luck. Taiwanese and Chinese are obsessed with luck (aside: I get the blankest of blank stares from people when I tell them I don't believe in luck... or ghosts, but that's another post).
So what has happened is that Iris and I have been unwillingly thrust into the biggest Chinese baby boom in recent years. I can't speak for China (who would want to, anyway?) but Taiwan's birth rate is one of the lowest on the planet over the past decade and the Year of the Dragon couldn't have come at a better time. A nice little bump in the population would really help stimulate the economic malaise, no? Regardless, Chinese and Taiwanese couples the island over (and worldwide) are clamoring to have children. NOW!
Many couples who have been married for several years have actually planned to have their children during this year. According to Lin Tseng-kai, head of the Artificial Reproductive Technology Center at Hsinchu Cathay General Hospital in Hsinchu: "It doesn't matter if you have an easy time or a hard time [getting pregnant], when it comes the dragon year they all want to have one." Taiwan hospitals have seen between a 30% and 50% increase in fertility treatments since May of last year.
This fever pitch is not relegated to Taiwan and China. Although second and third generation Chinese and Taiwanese immigrants to North America and Europe shed much of their traditions and superstitions, the Year of the Dragon persists as a cultural must. Chinese couples the world over are hard pressed to de-program tradition. One Egg Donation clinic in Beverly Hills, California has seen a 250% increase in contracts since targeting Chinese language newspapers last year. Others have seen comparable increases. Think of it. There's going to be a whole lot of little Chinese kids spitting up around this planet this time next year. Holy Little Emperor Syndrome!
This has meant a baby rush that borders on the insane. Couple have had their eggs and sperm frozen years in advance in order to have a Dragon. Celebrities are stumbling over themselves to produce designer Dragons. It's all a bit much. Iris and I sort of feel guilty that we are caught in this wave of madness when we simply never thought about it prior. Of the Taiwanese people we have told, almost all of them have expressed excitement bordering on envy due to our timing. This is invariably followed by mild consternation when they discover that I couldn't care less and we didn't plan it that way. Then they shrug their shoulders the way they do when they are saying: "Crazy foreign man. He doesn't know anything." Then they go home and burn ghost money (which they bought with real money).
If you are reading this and you are thinking to yourself: "Holy Hell! How did I miss this train?!?! I want a Dragon baby, too!" Well, you'd better get down to your local neighborhood astrologer and get to work. You have about ten days (give or take) to get that seed in there. After that You'll be looking at birthing a Snake.
Who wants a snake?
Way to go, astrologers!
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